the lioness

• Richard the Lion Hearted

  By Alice Ross Leon in Stomach Cancer Warriors and Caregiver Family 

  
  

  October 7th, 2012 UPDATE:

  Richard died Sept 5th at 5:31 pm. It was an amazing day. Before you think I've gone over the edge, read on. Rich did not want to do 'western' treatment, so called 'palliative care' I think you all know what that is, better than we do. I'm a 'realist', sometimes to my own chagrin (if I'm using the correct expression). I didn't believe that 'alternative' would make any difference in the prognosis either. Of course I wanted my husband to 'grow old along with me'. I knew it was not going to be. I did not necessarily believe it would happen in 6 months, given how stubborn, hardheaded, focused, enthusiastic, creative, driven, and prayerful he was. I signed up for the ride and I was going to help him steer thru the maze with every ounce of courage I could muster. And I did. And he did too. After the feeding tube was inserted July 2, I prayed he'd at least live thru my birthday July 15th. That is how it was. He on the other hand enthusiastically announced that 'Great, now I don't have to worry about what to eat and can concentrate on getting healed.' So we paddled. Several transfusions later, and weeks past my birthday, I saw the end.

  
  

  The Friday before RIchard died, the family knew he was short on the earth. The doctors and the nurses and the social workers and anyone that came in touch with Rich in person did not see what we saw, myself, our two daughters and his brother. Yet, I told our family I cannot 'assume' to know what Richard wants though we did know. I told them I was going to ask RIch if he wanted to go to ER for a transfusion. I did, he said 'NO, I do not want to go to the ER'. I asked Rich to articulate to me what the consequences to his decision would be. He said he will probably die.

  
  

  I am telling you this because this was a process we all went thru together, but Rich made the choice, a fricken horrible choice, that doesn't feel at all like a choice. The options are very limited and he chose. The family, including Richard in a spiritual sense, because he was already one foot out the door, all came together ~ THAT WAS MY PRAYER. We worked as one. We loved as one, we breathed as one. We cried as ONE.

  
  

  It was an amazing day. RIch was in a coma for the previous 24 hours at least. My grandson called to see how grandpa was, my daughter looked over at her dad, she screamed out for me, I was in the kitchen. I sat on Richard right side. As I sat, he lifted his forearm and hand towards me and we held hands as he died.

  
  

  What else can I say? It really brakes my heart to hear or read about how someone got healed because they believed they would and prayed, and had a positive attitude. You all do, everyone on this site is on this site because you hold out hope against hope. You work as a unit to make the best of a terrible diagnosis. You love one another thru loneliness and despair. If anything, you are god for one another.

  
  

  So, two things I will leave you with. If there is a god, let go and let god. In life there is sickness and death as well as life and health. Two sides to one coin. We do not have to feel guilty for getting this dam disease. But we are responsible for doing good even if it feels bad. We need to love each other into life and into death. I hope with all my heart I feel this way when my time comes. Who knows? But my goal was to make right what was out of sync as best I could to help the dying and the living too.

  
  

  My gift from Richard was a double rainbow. Within an hour of his death, my brother in law and myself took a walk around the block. On the way up the hill we were commenting on how this sky was just what RIch would have wanted to photograph ~ GOLDEN! Translucent! Sparkling! When we got to the top of the hill and I turned around there was the beginning of the rainbow. It was an unusual weather day for sure and this topped it off. I like to give RIch the credit for this beautiful gift. That works for me and makes me happy within grief. What more could I have asked for? He died 'peaceful' at home surrounded by family and amazingly good and loving friends.

  
  

  I hope you know I would only write to you because I hope there is something here that resonates and helps you thru your journey as a warrior and as caretakers. Peace. A /

  

  Richard, Crista and Sara, when we were all kids!

  

  The Sunday before he died. In home hospice. Saying goodbye to our oldest grandson, Crista's son Jonathan, 9 years old. That was hard. We count blessings.

  XOXOXOX Alice

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  In February of 2012 my husband Richard Leon was diagnosed with Stage 4 Gastro Esophageal Juncture Cancer with para-aortic lymph node involvement (stomach cancer). 

  
  

  More info is at this FB website our daughters set up to help fund raise. https://www.facebook.com/RichardLeonFoundation/info

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  You are welcome to click the 'LIKE' button if you would like to keep up with what we're up to, but do not concern yourselves with the donate button. You may want to set a page like this up for your selves...

  
  

  Keep up the good fight against a nasty disease and very tough treatment.

  Alice

  

  My Birthday Celebration 7-15-12
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