I need to ride

People comment that I am 'strong',  and 'it is good to see you taking care of yourself'.

Sometimes there is no desire to ride, to wanting to ride, to riding, then around again.

I had a tough several days. The antidote is riding. Sara and I had dinner Friday night. After not riding Saturday morning I called Chrissie. Chrissie came over and helped me sort through more paperwork, then we hiked in the Redwoods with Summer.

I still knew I needed to ride. I emailed a buddy from the Oakland YellowJackets to see if he was riding Sunday. Today I rode with him early morning.

I found out a few things this morning. As my friend recovered from a nasty prognosis his wife stayed alongside him, for the distance. I was aware Richard was appreciative of my partnership with him in this horrible reality. Sometimes he'd apologized to me. I never fully understood. I'd tell him we didn't choose cancer but we will deal with it together.

My friend told me it was hard to see what his wife went through.

Secondly,  I have two friends that do not attend funerals, a tough goat and a tender foot. That was useful info too. How do children bare up under the burden of loss, I had no idea before Rich died and now it is incomprehensible to imagine. We carry loss, but how much can a person carry we do not know. The exposure may be too great.

NOTE: This is the first blog I've written that I don't know, upon rereading it, that you'll understand. It is pretty clear what I experienced today but not so clear how to express how it made a difference. I am grappling with how to derive any sense when it feels irrelevant sense has anything to do with the death of a loved one. Even that sentence seems weird to me.