Small Deaths

Every day

It is wearing on me. Unreasonable in so many ways.
When the one you turned to as you feel this way, is not there.

Daily dying. Small bits. Big hits.
It doesn't much matter how you approach this work of grief.

Sit back and go with the flow. Ha. Attack mode, stay in action. Tis.
Take care of yourself. Pfft. Remember to breath. Huh?

Options? None. My crew surrounds me. My neighbors in this gritty city.
Kind, gentle, patient, caring, funny, persistent, generous.

I am afraid to loose one more thing. I know I will. Everyday.
The nature of marriage is so weird. Strengths, compromises.

No one to push up against. No battles, no victories.
Tough to find purpose. At the same time, let go.

Parents, Siblings, Children, Uncles, Aunts, Friends
We all leave one another. I am not so unique. Husband.

Maybe it is the cold, maybe the winter rains. Resistance is down.
Darkness pervades what was once daylight hours. Holidays.

I'm making up life by the seat of my bicycle pants.
And the soles of my hiking boots. Both underused these days.

Sibley Round Top, Spring 2011