If I had to say

Then

If I had to say how I feel right now, the sense of loss I experienced while I was in High School is coming up. Knowing I was going to loose my dad from our home when my 18 birthday rolled around, his obligation done. Though I know he loved me he had been leaving for years. 

In preparing for my adulthood, I  knew I was responsible for my own feelings, not blaming anyone, including myself for the path I traveled. Being scared none the less, I was still me, the me you all know. Probably even more than you know, the New York me. Rich was there too. That year. 1975.

I left New York with Rich in 1977, the day we married. I was sure it would be a round trip till 3 days out when my minds eye said there is no going back. The adventure began. Scared was replaced with the playfulness that goes with discovering unfamiliar territory explored together. Loss replaced with newness.

Now

A year is done. Don't make any major changes within the 1st year made some sense. Unlike being newlywed, that year, making a major decision that even today impacts my mom, my children. No turning back home to NYC. I loved NY. I don't know any place as unique and good to have grown up in. Both my parents loved NY and passed that on to me in their way.

Now I need to see which battles are mine alone. It's not to say there isn't value in the fight to keep the stuff I've had. An ongoing seismic rumbling leaves me just off centered enough to miss the parts of what I do want. Now everything is come to a juncture, a contact point, a boundary I must cross.

end of 1st year... origami boat launch with kids