Summer

2001 - Saturday, October 10, 2015

Dear Summer is gone. There is grief, and relief, as I sit here.

I told Summer, this week…'I will not put you down, you are not dying'. I was looking at what I had to do as a messy stinky inconvenience, but I knew her arthritis shots were not working, her weight loss was significant and she trembled with pain even pulling me around the block for cat food tapas.

We had some relief, a reprieve for a few days, time together when she was clean and mobil, hopping up and off curbs, still carefully making it down the stairs, then the out of no where three time flying down the back stairs to chase a squirrel.

This mornings early fog was thick as soup, the air still except for a subtle dripping. Summer had a bad day Friday, twice messing in the kitchen. And again Saturday morning. Sara, and Joel, helping manage Summer care, supporting me.

As I cleaned the kitchen floor this morning I was saying my goodbye to the bony one. I sensed it was decision time. Sara clinched it when she said she'd stay the weekend. Crista and the family visited last Sunday. I knew I needed Summer's Vet's input to finalize my decision, but it essentially had been made. 

The relief I feel is not only from the care of an elderly dog, but the process of making of the decision after so many feelings crowding my head and heart for some time.

15 years

The morning fog was perfect, so thick and heavy with a light rain. I appreciated that moisture as I walked her one last time, me looking at gardens, watching her sniff an unexplored block. Finally stepping within a ring of redwoods.