holds within it the key to life itself." +
abandonment, death, loss, anxiety.
relearn, re-experience, recover, repeat.
cannot avoid. wish I could.
pissed. angry. hurt.
in Qi Gong a couple of weeks ago, in the middle of class... a standing slow movement breathing mediation, I thought… my early life I tried to hold on, and later, more recently, to let go. not an intellectual, but transitional experience. impermanence.
loss feels imposed, artificial, contrived, escapist, hurtful, limiting. maybe it is none of those things. we are un-whole. we search to be one with ourselves. no one stands alone. to find ourselves we take others with us, physically, emotionally, and leave others behind. we leave part of ourselves behind. unfulfilled.
if loss is openly expressed there is a chance of retaliation. do not put in my face what I am unwilling, or unable, to feel, see or hear. no one benefits. we carry loss under the surface, till we run head long into it again. splat.
+ Who Dies? An Investigation of Conscious Living and Conscious Dying
by Stephen and Ondrea Levine, copyright © 1982 by Stephen Levine.
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